Noose
by Dark Closure
Summary: When Leo makes a new friend he gets a little guidance opening a whole new world to him. When it becomes to much to handle he turns to someone to make sure his halo of perfection does not become a noose Raphael.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Callused finger tips ran across the rough surface of the brick as he walked down the dirty alleyway. Here no one would come to see him, here- no one would see him, here- right here he could just be alone the only whispers his own thoughts. To be honest he hated thinking, he disliked it to the point it was a passionate loathe. He had to be perfect in everything, cover his emotions with a mask, tell everyone that it was just fine for him to take their blame- to jump into the fray and cover their mistakes. He had to pull his weight and the weight for four bodies. There was the weight of his father as he was groomed to take his place one day. There were his three brothers who had their _fun_.

Leonardo slowed in his already slow pace, blinking as sluggishly as his feet moved. What was it like to have fun? He had always wondered. He had always mimicked reactions, always saw Mikey's laughing face and what he expressed to be "fun", then he would compare it to Donatello and Raphael, if anything over laid then... it had to be "fun" right? Was fun just like relaxing? Raphael always told him to relax, asked him why he didn't just sit down and relax, etc, etc. It was simple, he didn't know what "relax" meant. Sure the dictionary said one thing, but he could never achieve it. He didn't have the option to. Not even meditation was relaxing. It was work, work to keep his mind focused, his katas were worked to keep his body sharp, reading was to keep whit thus why all of his books revolved around war tactics. He tried reading a comic before, he didn't understand it. Listening to music was taken as training, to section out each and every instrument, hear each sound as its own. It helped on the battle field when he could block out many sounds and focus on one plea of a brother.

Tawny eyes turned up to the sky that began to weep. He let his eyelids slide shut as he felt the chill of the droplets shatter against his skin, the sound of his leathery hide making the only sound he really enjoyed in life. Leonardo liked the rain, he didn't need to hide in the rain. People left the streets in favor for shelter allowing him the freedom of being alone. Alone. He liked being alone. He didn't have to be a leader when he was by himself, he didn't have to keep a constant eye out or only get two hours of sleep as he listened for sounds identifying them as turtle, rat, or cat. Anything out of the ordinary and he was sliding against the walls at the ready. After Karai had destroyed their home, forced them to find a new dwelling and nearly took his family from him... well... he wasn't exactly the same. For a while he slipped up, became forceful because he had adapted to the situation of all of them nearly dying. It resulted in him being sent to Japan to be student to someone he had no interest in. While training he realized he needed to switch back, he was taken from his brothers due to trying a different approach to life. Life... god he hated life.

He put his head in his palm, leaning against the wall as he came to a stop. This was why he hated thinking. When he was by himself his thoughts were everywhere, his emotions mingling in with them -hissing at him like a stray cat. It would dig its claws into his fleshy thoughts and bite and scratch. He hated feeling emotions, they were useless to him in his position as leader. They got in the way, they made him make mistakes. The last time he let his emotions get in the way he threw Raphael over the edge of a building fighting over a stupid sword that held no meaning besides the value of some folk tale of being folded seven hundred times during forge. A stupid sword, a stupid decision, a stupid **emotion** nearly cost him a brother. He wouldn't risk it again.

Something stopped the rain from falling over head, the sound of the water on his skin muted in favor for the bounce of heaven sent drops on taunt plastic. Blinking he looked up and over his shoulder soft eyes staring back at him. He didn't know this person, not a person with hazel eyes, not with... a dead gaze behind a smiling mask.

"Your costume is soaked through," the voice was low and sweet all the same. "You'll catch your death out here sweetie."

All he could do was blink as the umbrella was held out over him, dark hair getting wet as the woman ignored the fact that the paper bag she was holding was getting drenched. She waited, that fake smile well practiced, painted upon lips as those eyes begged and pleaded the same thing his own did every single time he saw his brothers; please stop the pain.

"You allergic to dairy or chicken?"

"W-what?" That was a random question.

She moved a step closer, pushing the handle of the umbrella into his hand, he noted that she made an effort to not brush her skin against his. Once he was holding it she dug out of the now wet bag -with her now free hand- and produced a can of cream of chicken soup. She pushed it into his other hand, "Try it with just a little salt and pepper, brings out the flavors. Looks like you need it." She sighed a little, "God you're a skinny thing."

"Hey!"

She simply moved past him, "It's true. You should eat more."

A frown formed on his lips as he stood there holding a can of soup in one hand and an umbrella in the other. He wasn't skinny.

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Leo sighed and let his spoon clatter down into the bowl, warm soup splashing up as he propped an elbow up onto the kitchen table, chin resting in hand. So the soup was a nice thing to do... but he wasn't skinny. Even if he was skinny what would soup do? It wasn't like there was a lot of fat in something made out of a little cream and chicken breast. If she wanted him to get plumper couldn't she have given him like a loaf of bread or something with butter? Besides she was kind of over weight, at least a good twenty pounds over April, it wasn't like she had any right about telling anyone about their weight. And for another thing he wasn't skinny, he was lean.

This was ridiculous; since when was he self-conscious? Never, because it didn't fit into his life. That was it, no more of this.

Michelangelo padded into the kitchen heading for the fridge, "Dude, you should finish that you know."

"I'm not skinny!"

Orange stopped, stick of sucker pointed up as he looked at his usually calm brother with a some what surprised look. He didn't bother to move when said sibling got up from the table stormed half way out of the kitchen, turned around, went back to grab bowl and spoon, and then headed off to hide out in his room. Michelangelo frowned a little scratching at his head. He didn't think Leo was self-conscious. He shrugged; oh well, chalk it up to a being the new thing that he learned for the day.

Leo went up to his room, a scowl firmly on his face when he shut the door that was decided among all family members to have on their individual rooms. He plopped down on his mattress and rather violently shoved a spoonful of warm liquid into his mouth. It swirled around his tongue as he took in all the different flavors before swallowing, repeating the action as he bore a hole at the innocent wall across the way as if it was at fault; as if the wall had known he would be up top and sent that… that woman to find him.

He tossed the empty bowl to the side where there was a pile of blankets, he didn't care that a few milky white drops splattered against the fabric -he needed to do laundry anyway. A growl emanated in the back of his throat. Why was this bothering him? Meditation. That would help him focus once more. Drawing in a deep breath he folded his legs and relaxed his arms, closing his eyes he released all thought. The feel of cool air, wafts of warmth from the heaters that were set around the lair coming in to wash against his body. He was able to clear his mind, keeping all thought from coming back. No thought, none at all. No thoughts of angst, no thoughts of how he was forbidden from having emotions, no thought about training, none about his family, nor friends. Everything nice and clear.

"_God you're a skinny thing."_

Leo calmly twisted around and swiftly gave his pillow his hardest punch.

To Be Continued…


	2. Chapter 2

**Important note:** I don't know what to name the lady Leo is slowly becoming friends with, please give suggestions. Any will be good. **Also** I've been playing with the idea of pairing her with Mikey. Say yes or no to it.

Chapter 2

He got over it, just like he got over not being equal to his brothers. It took some time, but his dwelling on the event of meeting the woman in the rain dwindled down to a few hours a day, to only a few minutes to nothing at all. Eventually routine slipped back into place, leaving him only with thoughts to forget as he continued his quest to become as perfect as possible to insure safety to his family. His katas still flowed into one another, his meditation continued to cleans and focus mind, his reading remained to groom him for future possible situations. Everything was normal. Then why was he constantly taking that stupid, battered, ugly, infuriating umbrella with him every time he went topside? He hadn't even noticed he was doing it until Raphael asked him why the first thing their leader did when going up top was reach over to that ever present umbrella he came home with one night. An unfamiliar feeling welled up as his cheeks heated. Was he embarrassed? He couldn't tell.

"Nothin' to be embarrassed about Leo," Mikey's voice chimed up with a wink. "We'll understand if it means something to ya."

He blinked absently trying to reflect on what his little brother said. He felt something and wasn't frustrated over it. A "useless" emotion occurred and it was fleeting. What was he to do about that? Did he meditate until he could be positive it wouldn't happen again? Did he just shrug it off and wait until he experienced it again in order to confirm that his brother was right in the labeling of said emotion? Wait, did the umbrella mean something to him?

He stared at the object for a while, fingers to lips in thought. This was harder than it looked. People did it every day, just sit and try to figure out what they needed sorted in their heads. Then again, normal people were not emotionally stunted teenagers that happened to be a mutated turtle trained in the arts of ninjutsu.

"I think ya broke him, Mike," Leo heard Raphael whisper to their brother through grinning lips.

"That, or Leo's got a crush." Michelangelo was not nearly as quiet as his brother.

Crush? No, not a crush, but there was something there. A connection that made him frustrated. He could still remember those eyes, dead with no glimmer. He saw them daily, every time he looked in the mirror at himself. To actually see someone like that was not a reflection, it felt like he failed. How he failed he wasn't sure, but it was just how he felt, one of the very few feelings he knew how to identify with. A deep part of him wanted to ask those wide-almond shaped eyes what position she had been pushed into. What choices were never given? Where they like his?

A part of him wanted to reach out, the rest of him told that piece to sit down and be quiet. He was being ridiculous. But… would it be wrong to have someone besides his friends to sit down with and talk too? Usagi was a good friend, he understood much, but understood so little at the same time. That kind of happened being born on two different plains of existence. April tried to understand, but her hormonal bouts got in the way. Casey… Casey was Raph's friend, he might as well go to Raphael if he wanted to talk about anything, besides his brother was someone he was much more familiar with; comfortable with.

"Yo! Earth to Fearless," Raphael was right next to him, causing his muscles to tense; the Leonardo flinch. "We goin' or not?"

Tawny eyes watched the hand that clapped down on his shoulder. That was an usual thing for Raph to do, touching wasn't exactly something he did… well besides maybe a punch. Was he worried? Why would he be worried?

"Leo?"

He looked up to auburn eyes that narrowed down on him, a gaze that searched for something that was and wasn't there all the same. Shifting uncomfortably, Leonardo shrugged that hand on his shoulder off. It felt a little too warm for his liking. "If we don't head out we'll fall behind Mike and Don," blue stated moving away from his brother all the while holding the umbrella.

When they got up top they did their usual thing, pair off to play ninja tag. It was one of the few exercises that Leonardo looked forward too when it came to just he and his siblings. Something about it made him feel like he was equal, like he could just let go and fall into the comfortable darkness that whispered sweetness. It was the only release he had in this life in a cage. The cage of leadership, of perfection.

This round he was paired up with Michelangelo, next round he was supposed to run up with Raph. He was thankful for not having to face those eyes that always looked at him, that gaze that was always trying to find something that was and wasn't there. It was unnerving. He didn't know if he should ask what was wrong or brush it off. So he just stood there and took it. A part of him would always reach forward, that part of him in the cage that could see his brother peering in holding onto the bars. A part was scared Raphael would break those bars, then there was the trained piece of him that over took the others; the part that felt nothing and would always walk away in favor of waiting for an opportunity to present itself.

"You know Dude, you've been acting a bit strange lately," Mikey's voice brought him out of his thoughts.

"I have?" he laced his fingers together, the younger stepping into the hands. Orange was flung into the air, body curling, twisting, landing with grace as blue followed.

"Yeah," Mikey bent over, shell up, as he was used as a step to get over some more fencing. "It's like something shook ya or something."

She did shake his cage didn't she? He smiled slightly at the thought, such a small encounter and everything he knew was questioned.

Slowing from his run he looked over the edge of the building he was about to jump over, his partner in play already across the way and noticing his absence. It was that woman again. A pair of large headphones over her ears, purple striped sleeves with matching knee high socks with black converse shoes. The heavy set black trench coat was in the middle of being pulled on, a gust of wind fluttering the cut tails.

He swallowed feeling the numb of the cloudless sky. She was staring at him, eyes the same shape, that unique shape of wide-almonds. They staid like that for a while, just staring, that odd connection forever present since the first time they met. Then she smiled, that fake mask with that fake smile. He did the same; fake, all make-believe.

"How have you been Skinny?" she shouted up.

Fake mask dropped as he huffed. Before he heard his brother call out his name, he shouted down, "I'm not skinny!! I'm a turtle, I'm supposed to be lean! I- AM- LEAN!"

"Pfft, whatever Skinny. You gonna come down here and say hello or just rain spit down on my while you shout?"

By that time he was already half way down. Man was he going to put her in her place!

That was the plan soon as he landed, stepping towards her, "Look, I don't know who you are and I know you have good intentions," he shoved the umbrella into her hands. "But we don't know each other. So don't go an assume that-"

"You're hands are freezing Skinny," she tucked the rolled up umbrella under her arm. Slipping off her fingerless gloves, she paused looking at his hands. Taking out a pocket knife and a few safety pins from her pocket she cut the glove fingers and pinned them.

"I'm not cold, I'm cold blooded. I'm not skinny, I'm a turtle. Hey! What are you-" His wrist was taken, gloves shoved over hands, head phones placed over his ears -warm from being over her ears. The scarf that had been stuffed into coat pocket was taken out and wrapped around his neck. He protested the whole way, struggling against the warm objects being placed onto his chilled skin.

The heavy coat wrapped around his shoulders and he was hit with the soft sent of fresh water, she smelled like spring rain. "If you were cold blooded then you would be in hibernation due to the weather. Be more thoughtful or you'll get sick. God you're a silly thing," with that she walked off, umbrella under arm.

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Leo grumbled and stomped, he shuffled and scrapped his feet. When they got back from their training he went straight to his room, not catching the quizzical looks, nor hearing Raphael ask what was wrong. He needed time to think. He was pretty sure that he got it across that she was **wrong **when it came to him being skinny. Now something else was bothering him.

He wadded up the trench coat and threw it across the room knocking over a lap that broke when it hit the floor. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! This was so stupid! He wasn't being silly! They never wore any clothes, clothes didn't fit them right. They didn't need it! Any why the hell was her coat just the right size for him to wear?!

He stopped pacing and flopped onto his bed face first, bouncing on the old mattress as he gave out a small groan. He was being silly wasn't he? No. No he wasn't. She was!

"Leo?" Michelangelo's timid voice came from the doorway. He had heard a crashing sound and wanted to see how his brother was fairing. All he saw was the lady putting a coat on his brother before walking off. Something about that seemed to set their leader off.

"Leo?" He tried again, pushing the door farther open to slip in a little more. His brother wasn't moving.

Leonardo suddenly moved startling his brother as he got up onto his hands and knees. He had a completely puzzled look on his face as he stated, "I don't know her name."

"Who's name?"

The oldest froze, body tensing at the low grumble of Raphael coming in behind Michelangelo.

To Be Continued…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The blade went snicker-snack, bodies falling from the deadly blows dealt with the back of his blade. Control, it was all about the control. Every move the enemy made, it had to be anticipated, it had to be something that he forced them to make. With one last gleam of metal, the last foe fell with an agonized moan. A flick of the wrist and his swords were placed back into their sheathes on his back. A tawny gaze grazed across the "battle field" surveying the damage. There was nothing serious, a few dented in trash cans, a few black eyes and maybe a few broken ribs. Closing his eyes he turned around and silently walked away, melding into the shadows as he skillfully climbed the fire-escape up to the rooftops.

He pulled the coat around him tighter, the scent of spring rain washing over him as he put distance between himself and his enemies. He didn't get it. Why was he so fixated on this woman? He had only met her in passing. Each time she managed to pick at something and make him feel… well, frustrated wouldn't do it justice. So many emotions swarming in his mind, pulling at him like tar.

Folding his arms over his chest, he took a deep breath before falling back over the edge of the roof he had reached. The whistle of wind, the flapping of the coat's collar, and that sent, the sent that resembled his own in so many ways. Curling up, he rolled in the air, landing on his feet perfectly before straightening out and smoothing out the coat. Everything about here bothered him, but he had no idea why. It ate at him.

Kicking a can he shoved his now gloved hands into the pockets. Mikey had insisted on sowing them up because of how much trouble the woman had gone too to make Leo warm. It wasn't a pretty patch job, but it worked. And then there was Raphael, he looked almost hurt when Michelangelo launched into telling the family what he saw. Leo had nearly panicked; Donatello and Splinter seemed to buy the story of only knowing her through passing, that she was a strange person. Raphael though…

Leonardo let out a deep sigh, sagging his shoulders. He had froze when he heard his brother coming into the room, he had to just stare at him so that he wouldn't stutter over his own words. He didn't understand why he didn't want those eyes to look at him differently. He did find himself reaching out after the youngest of the group left the room, satisfied that nothing hurtful was happening to his oldest brother. Leonardo, knew that Raphael took a hold of that hand and inspected it wondering if his brother was hurt some how. The leader felt like the ground opened up underneath him, making him fall into unfamiliar territory. It was as if his brother was starting to open up the cage. He was reaching forward for that something that was and wasn't there.

Blue got up, pushing past red, allowing that hand to linger on his as he pulled away. The forest green turtle went to the dojo to try and calm down. He didn't, not after training, not after dinner, not after meditating. He could still feel that warmth of a three fingered hand over his. He caught himself several times rubbing at his hand, trying to get that feeling off, but it was just as stubborn as the one who had given it to him. That was when he got his gloves from Mikey, grabbed the coat and went topside. He wasn't looking for a fight, he just found some purple dragons that needed to be taught a lesson. Now he was here, lingering in alleyways wondering why his life had suddenly changed from just the simple meeting of someone who hung in a cage as well.

A part of him wanted to meet her again, give back the coat that was warm and smelled so nice. Then again, he didn't, he wished it was the last time he would see her. He smiled bitterly, she was right, he was being silly.

"There he is!"

Leonardo turned around sharply, coat tails flaring up as he reached for the hilt of a sword. How did he not hear the heavy footfalls? A whirling chain came down on him, wrapping around the katana that he managed to block it with. Thinking, that was what had done him in; just another reason why he hated thinking. It blocked out the world around him. Swiftly he twisted a leg up, knee colliding in the man's gut. He should have known that more Purple Dragons would come out to play. Not to mention he didn't get to far from the first fight. Stupid, a stupid decision. Another chain came, hitting him across eye and jaw as the links formed to the side of his face. He gave a shout, backing away, hand coming to his face. The sting blurring the vision in his other eye, he tried to move faster but there was a dizziness that hit him. Not good, not good at all. There was scream, he looked around. When did he get on the ground? And why were their fluffy pig slippers standing in front of him?

"You want to hit someone when they're down?!" The sound of metal as something warm sprayed over him. "I asked you a question punk!" a thick crack, a strangled shout of pain as heavy boots backed away from the one with slippers. "ANSWER ME!"

"No ma'am!" came the shout.

Dizziness leaving, he sat up, the Purple Dragon punk and his friend leaving, leaning on each other for support. There had been only two? That wasn't right. He was a skilled ninja, two punks that knew nothing about fighting besides flailing things around couldn't have taken him down. No, they could, when he let his own skills be pushed to the side in favor for emotion and thought. Distraction, number one enemy. It was the first lesson taught, he should have known better!

A growl erupted from his throat, fist slamming into the cement in frustration. How could he be so foolish?!

"So… It was you Skinny?"

Oh god, please not her, not now.

The woman squatted down, yukata dipping into grime he was sitting in. Her long hair falling out of the French twist it had once been so carefully placed into. In one hand she had a dented in tea kettle, the water on the ground steaming from the cold night. Reaching forward with her free hand she found his chin pushing his face up to meet hers. She was bleeding from the forehead, the crimson liquid trickling down over the bridge of her nose, pooling in the corners of the frame of her glasses.

"That's swelling pretty bad," she moved forward, grabbing him by the arm, placing it around her shoulders. "I'll get ya some ice." With a heave she pulled him up, making an uncomfortable sound in the back of her throat.

"You okay?" Leo asked, finally finding his feet as she moved a hand to the small of her back. Why did he care?

"I'm fine," she winced straightening herself out. "You're heavier than you look Skinny."

Guiding him into the back door of the apartment building he was beside, he growled, "My name is Leonardo, not Skinny."

"Leonardo, huh?" they started working their way up the stairs, he was glad he was holding on to her because that dizziness came back. "Sounds like the name for a stuffed shirt type of guy."

"I'm not a stuffed shirt, I'm not silly, I'm not skinny, I'm not stuck up, I'm not fearless… I'm not."

"Hey, I'll admit that I said the first three, but could you at least give me enough time to know you so I can say those other things about you before you yell at me for them?"

Leo shook his head trying to think past the throb in his head. Why did he yell at her for things Raph said to him? Why was he letting her help him? Why did he CARE?!

He was heaved once more, body weight adjusting as they dared another flight of stairs. He glanced over at her. She was holding him up, using the railing as he managed to stay on his feet only half the time, the other half he wanted to fall from the spinning in his head. Her dark hair was pooling around her shoulders, framing her round face, accenting those eyes that were as haunted as him.

The answer to his frustrated questions came to him as he fell, body collapsing on the stairs. There was a sharp pain, the sound of tumbling. All he had was the answers to his questions. He yelled at her because she would listen. He let her help him because she was a good person. He cared because they were both in the same cage, just in different corners.

A tawny eye cracked open, glasses with cracks webbing over the lenses, red matting hair to head and neck. He was on top of her, she took to the fall for him. With little energy, he reached forward hand grasping hers. He was glad to feel the warmth twitch at the contact. As everything grew black he couldn't help but want to know her name.

To Be Continued…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Secrets, everyone has at least one, it's rare that someone would have less than two. There was something about secrets that made people curious, forced them to reach forward and try to figure out the puzzle box that held the unknown deep inside. Some would say that it was wise to leave the box alone, but he would argue that it was unwise. If something was not known then it was a potential danger. The hidden knowledge wiggled like a poisonous snake, coiling like a scaled ribbon not caring how many knots it pulled itself into. That poison would some times leak out, the venom biting even though fangs were concealed. It would fester, it would watch, all the while secreting that lethal dose that brought people by its side.

Raphael didn't like secrets, a reason why he was brutally honest when it came to anything and everything he did. It was simple to him; tell the truth, know the truth. He didn't understand why people had to complicate things by hiding away. They didn't realize that it pushed people away, brought up walls and turned the once stable floor into frail glass.

He closed his eyes as he stood outside the door of Leonardo's room, his back leaning against the frame as he idly waited. His brother had come home, bruised, eye and jaw swollen. He had an ice pack, he refused to talk about what had happened. He turned down dinner and stayed awake for a full twenty four hours before going to bed, swelling now down in favor for the color of black and blossoming purple. Something about all of this bothered him and he didn't know what. An anger set inside whenever Michelangelo would joke about a girlfriend, his stomach twisted each time he looked at the forest green leader and he would turn away almost shyly. He didn't understand it, but he was sure if someone asked him why he was doing such things then he would answer with out thinking; answer with complete honesty. Many times he had wondered if he was the only honest one, looking at his family he saw their secrets and left their boxed up knowledge alone. He figured it wasn't his place to ask, not unless it was bothering or hurting someone, but still... he couldn't help but want to find out. See if it was dangerous to the family or not.

Letting out a sigh, he pushed himself away from the door. He had planned on going inside, shake his brother awake and ask what had happened. Now that he had gotten there he had lost himself in thought, debating if it was wise to go inside or just leave it be. The more he thought about it the more he wanted to run away, step away from being the one to offer comfort if it was needed. He wasn't good at things like this, never had been. Deciding that he would wait until his brother was awake to confront him, Raphael padded over to his room. He was about to shut his door when he heard the creaking hinges to the room he had loitered by. Now would be a good time to talk to him... right? He listened to the rustling sound of a coat and a pang thumped with his heart. He shut his door, bathing himself in darkness. Leo was going off to see that girl again. Who was he to interrupt that pursuit of happiness?

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A hand swatted at his shoulder as he pulled on the white bandage, "Generally when someone screams in pain the person nursing them stops!"

"Generally people aren't such wooses! I'm almost done."

"Almost done -meaning you still have more than half way to go... what kind of reverse logic is that?"

"The type that's keeping you from breaking your stupid ankle!! Now hold still and shut up already!"

Leonardo felt his eye twitch as he continued to unravel the bandage around ankle and heel. The other day when he had become hurt, and she fell down the stairs with him, he had formed some kind of bond. It was more frustrating than anything else, but he quickly found that he wouldn't change it for the world. He could vent and she would retaliate with out malice or animosity. It had become his new escape. He had been coming over every day after they had woken up in the stair well and helped each other up the stairs. He had spent hours with her helping her with her spranged ankle and wrist. Most the time they were quiet if they weren't bickering or throwing sarcastic replies at one another. He soon found himself... enjoying himself. He didn't have to pretend, he didn't have to be the leader; he could be him.

He pulled the last of the white fabric away from skin; he blanched as he pulled stained gauze away from deep wound. He remembered how he had to sit on her leg to hold her still while using a normal needle and thread to stitch the cut she had gotten from the fall when his shell crushed down on the stair ledge with her ankle sandwiched between. Bone had been visible, thankfully the injury was healing nicely... considering how deep it was that is. Soon he'd have to cut the threads and pull them out. First aid classes from Donnie sure came in handy.

"Sooo..." This was boring, just sitting there, doing nothing while a giant, mutated, turtle with good intentions manhandled her foot. It was out of the ordinary, but still boring.

Thick fingers rubbed ointment around the reddened, angry, flesh. "This'll scar, you know."

"Yay," the half hearted, lazy reply was as she relaxed making herself into dead weight.

"Something's on your mind."

"No, I'm bored. There's a difference. I want to do something, FearNot."

"FearNot? What happened to 'Skinny'?"

"You're too fat to be 'Skinny'- OW!"

A tawny gaze narrowed on her, "Sorry." Not.

"It's true though, you're one heavy son of a- geez! Are you **trying **to break my foot off?"

He rolled his eyes, "Yes, I'm trying to snap it off so I can put it in better use; like in your mouth to shut you up."

Her eyes brightened, "That reminds me of that old story 'The Big Toe'. Man that was a fun story, whacked in the head, but fun."

Leonardo chuckled. He stopped, the room was quiet as the woman pushed herself up onto her elbows looked at him as he looked at his hand holding her ankle -now halfway wrapped up in linen. Did he just laugh? It wasn't forced or anything like his past experience at the action. Looking to his friend he swallowed as she stared.

"That was creepy, don't do it again."

He chuckled again, not able to help it. It was a weird feeling, it wasn't... bad. Padding a hand on her leg he signaled that he was done, letting her put her foot gingerly to the floor as she sat up. A smile crept onto his face as she reached over patting and petting his head, face painted in curiosity and wonderment as he couldn't help himself from laughing a little more. He didn't know what was funny, there had been no real joke but he found the awry conversation to be nothing but humorous. There was something soft about her as she spoke up, his laughter subsiding.

"Looks like you're learning something FearNot," there was a slip of her mask. "I'm glad."

He nugged her with his elbow, "Stop calling me funny things."

"FearNot's better than Fluffy."

"Not by much," he got up, grabbing the coat she had given him on that cold night. He paused, "Did... you want this back?"

"Nah, it's got your stentch on it. I mean, why would I want the smell of man musk, sea breeze, and sandle wood? I'd die man -thinking about how you wash your clothes in insense. I don't want my last thoughts to be about laundry. And ironicly I'll probably die by and exploding washer."

He laughed softly once more, "Whatever. I've gotta go, no walking on that directly."

"Sure, Dr. Man-dude. Take it easy, those stairs are out to get ya, they told me so last week."

For a second time he rolled his eyes, "Alright, no more pain medication for you." He opened the window behind the couch. Slipping out he waved goodbye before closing it and heading home. For once he could tell he was in a good mood, and to be honest it was some what frightening. It was unfamiliar, it was a loosening bar in his cage and the stability of his life was starting to sway. Picking up his pace down the streets he found a man hole, opening it up, he slid inside, grinding it shut. Dropping down to the dirty water, he continued through the winding labyrinth. When he got home he would have to train, meditate, sort out his thoughts once more. He did it every time he saw her now, every time they talked with sharp tongues and half hearted jests. They were in the same cage, yes, but he still didn't know what was keeping here there. Why she had to fake everything she did, or how she needed to keep quiet whenever certain subjects were picked up; he wanted to find out the answers. It would draw them closer.

_And then where would you be?_

He frowned. Where would he be indeed...

---------------

There was a small knocking on the window. Brows furrowed as hazel eyes looked over the edge of the couch, three fingers pressed against the glass fogging up the face of the owner of the hand. Getting up, black yukata hem swayed as she leaned on a cane to get around to the window. Shifting weight, she used her good hand to pull the window open.

"You forget something FearNo... Well... you're new." She moved to the side allowing legs to slip in, "I take it you're related to Leonardo by the looks."

"Sorry about this but.. I kind of need some answers. Miss... uh..."

"Kally," she leaned her weight against the cane. "You look cold... you need a scarf and something warm to drink."

To Be Continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Hey Donnie," Leonardo padded into his brother's lab. "Got a question for you."

Brown eyes blinked behind special lenses that magnified the chocolate orbs, with a flick the goggles were up and out of the way, "What is it Leo?"

The leader shifted his weight from one side to the other. How was he supposed to approach this? It wasn't like he was jealous or anything, but… something was bothering him inside. He had seen Raphael return home, yellow scarf folded up in his hands, when he walked through the door the scent of Kally's apartment was on him. There was a confusion inside that gnawed away; biting, chewing.

"Do you know where the term 'Fear Not' comes from?" he danced around the issue of what was really bothering him.

"Fear Not?" Donatello pushed back away from his desk giving his eldest sibling his full attention, "If I recall FearNot is a folk tale in Germany about a boy who was named FearNot due to the fact he could not feel fear."

"Really?"

A smile played on olive lips, he knew Leo wouldn't ask for the story even if he really wanted to hear about it. Motioning to the empty seat he kept in his lab -just in case of visitors- he continued as his brother settled himself in. If there was one thing Leonardo liked, it was a good story.

"Way back in the day there was a tailor with two sons, one good at learning the trade and the other good for nothing. FearNot's mother had died soon after birthing him leaving him in the care of his father and older brother. He would spend endless time playing the fiddle under his sweetheart's window each time being chased off by her father. One night he was sent to get buttons but was intercepted by some local bullies wearing a hodge-podge of a disguise calling themselves a 'woozle'. FearNot lost his buttons and when he got home he was given forty shillings and sent out to learn something. He decided to learn how to shudder. On his journey he met a con-man named Mr. McKay. Mr. McKay was a frightful man who tried his best to stay out of trouble but he was promised all forty shillings if he could get FearNot to shudder. He took the boy to a lake, by a pond, by a mill, by a road where a creature lived in the water. At nightfall FearNot was left by the water's edge, and in the moonlight he saw the most beautiful women swimming in the water and he did the same whenever his heart fluttered; he played his fiddle. The bitter sweet sound coaxed a creature covered in moss and mud out of the water, eyes like a slug, finger tips like suckers. The women swimming in the deep were his daughters placed there to lure men in for his meals. He asked what kind of bird FearNot had that made such a loving and sad song; he was simply told it was an interment and to get good at it one must learn how to play it. More fascinated on the melody than on his potential meal the creature begged to be told where the song came from. 'Ireland,' FearNot had told him, 'many lefts and many rights from here.' Satisfied the creature left after hearing the bird sing once more," Donatello took a break to drink some water out of a bottle he had next to a monitor. "Uh… where was I?"

"The creature left for Ireland," Leonardo was leaning forward, eyes completely captivated.

"Right. So the creature left for Ireland and the villagers rejoiced. They gave FearNot many gifts and riches as their thanks. But he was dissatisfied due to not being able to learn how to shudder. Gathering their things Mr. McKay found out about a castle surrounded by bone in the deepest-darkest valley where the sun feared to shine. Venturing forth, the two made their way to the castle. Upon coming to the gates FearNot turned to his friend filled with glee that he may find out once and for all how to become frightened. Trading a little cunning with Mr. McKay for a little courage, FearNot gathered a few things and headed inside. When he entered he found the walls and floor covered in thick dust, cobwebs sagged as if they were weeping for those who dared to enter. Carefully, he crept along, peering into room after room calling out for the evil that was said to live in the hideous abandonment of the shadows. Finally he came to a large room with a fire place that could fit three people inside. A tombstone sat in the back, name and date worn away from age. Deciding there was nothing there he turned to leave only to hear a horrible scream. Turning around he was astonished to see a pair of legs fall down from chimney followed by the torso of a man. Crooked teeth grinned as one half of the man crawled along, grabbing legs and pulling himself up until he mounted and become a whole person. He looked at the new comer finding that FearNot had a good pair of legs one him. The spirit asked for a wager, if he won then he got the boy's legs, if he lost… well, he had never lost before so why should he give his side of the bargain?" He took another drink, wondering if his brother was going to fall on the floor from how much he was leaning in his chair. Getting up he stretched, "Maybe I should save the rest for later."

Leonardo snapped back on his heels, the thud of the chair landing on all fours once more loud in the small room, "But-"

"We've got practice soon Leo."

"It's okay."

Donatello shook his head, smile softening. He was pretty sure he was the only one that knew this weakness. It was kind of nice to have something he could share with just Leo, he liked having something he could share with just Raphael or just with Michelangelo as well. It was a bonding experience he highly enjoyed.

"Alright, but if we're late-"

"I know."

"Okay, um.. Oh yes, so the creature set up a game of Skittles using human bones as the pins and a skull for the ball… You know what Skittles is right?" A shake of the head, "It's like bowling, anyway, he set up a game of Skittles with human bones as pins and a skull for a ball. Putting his fingers through the nose and eyes he rolled his hand back before shooting the skull forward knocking down seven bones. Gloating at how well he was able to shoot even though he stood on legs that rotted with gout, he set the bones back up. FearNot took a stone smoother and smoothed out the sides of the skull before he rolled his turn knocking down all of the bones. Pleased with himself he looked to the spirit that cursed and howled at him. Unhappy from the pour sportsmanship FearNot watched as the spirit feel from his legs screaming the whole time before disappearing back to the chimney. Confused as to what truly had happened and tired from the day's travel FearNot went to lay on an old bed in the room. He found the sheets and quilts lumped, pulling back the covers he found his dear friend Mr. McKay lying there still and cold. Saddened he bundled his friend, taking him to where he had started fire in the fire place. All of the sudden the body of his beloved companion sprung to life, hands wrapping around his neck trying to squeeze the life out of him. They rolled on the floor, fighting each other until Mr. McKay's head hit the corner of a low table. The body shifted and melted away revealing it was in actuality the evil spirit. Soon the real Mr. McKay come into the haunted castle, worried for his dear friend. Once confirmed it was truly his friend and not the spirit FearNot gave Mr. McKay a large hug and told him of what had happened. What lead them to search the castle is still unknown, but in the highest level in the farthest room they found a room completely filled with piles of gold and unimaginable treasures. Gathering all they could they set off, FearNot to home and Mr. McKay as far as he could. FearNot still was upset that he had learned nothing but Mr. McKay would point at the piles on top of their horses' backs and tell him 'Are there not sufficient riches to make you shudder?' Eventually they go to the boy's home where Mr. McKay went on his way giving his friend the share that he deserved. Soon, the tailor's son fell into his usual routine and went to play his fiddle under his sweetheart's window only to have her father come to the window and shout for him to come in. He was in a frantic hysteria as he told FearNot that his daughter had taken ill soon after he had left on his journey. Nothing could wake her and all the doctors had left only to be baffled as to what spell she had fallen under. A pain developed in FearNot's chest as his eyes stung, his lips trembled at the thought of loosing the one he loved. He gave a mournful sigh as his body shuddered, his mind wrapped in fear that his sweetheart would die before he could have the pleasure of asking her hand in marriage. And as he kissed her cheek, her eyes fluttered open. Eventually she got better, they married and led a well-to-do life. And every day he was reminded that through all of his adventures he had learned nothing, but at home he found what he was truly looking for."

The wide eyed look from his brother was enough to tell him that every word was completely absorbed, he passed by Leonardo patting him on the shoulder. He paused by the door, a sudden thought occurring to him, "Hey Leo?"

"Hm?" tawny gaze thrown over shoulder as he got up.

"Why ask about FearNot?"

"No reason," Leonardo padded past his the purple clad turtle. His shoulder brushed against Raphael's as the emerald brother stopped in his pursuit of coming to get the two that were late. He understood now, why Kally called him that. He couldn't feel emotions normally, going on a long journey was useless, he had to learn them at home. Just how to do that, he didn't know. He would think about it later; right now he had some katas to perform.

Raphael fell into pace with Donatello as the mechanic walked down the small walkway, "You guys are late."

"Sorry, Leo had something on his mind."

"Hn," the taller of the two nodded. "Say Don, do you know what a Grovel Hog is?"

Purple fabric creased as the olive turtle frowned. Where were his brothers coming up with these folk tales? He could understand Leo because some times he would come across the mention of something that was either mythological in nature or had some base in folk lore but Raphael? This was more than a coincidence.

"I can tell you after training I guess."

"Fine by me," Red gave a shrug of shoulders. "Have you seen Mikey?"

"He isn't in his room?"

-----------------

There was a sound that could only be identified with two heads colliding into each other. A three fingered hand rubbed at the sore spot that was created, he grunted cracking open an eye to see who he had run into. Dark hair was the first thing he noticed, then the strange bulge in a sweater jacket that wiggled. The familiar orange head of Klunk peeking out and giving a warm mewl of content joy of being found after getting lost in the cold outside world.

To Be Continued…


	6. Chapter 6

chapter 6

The full moon, it was beautiful. It's bright light blotting out the neon lights in the city that never sleeps; stars raked with ghostly fingers of clouds that drifted in soft wind. He couldn't take his eyes off of the sky, the breath taking sight burning itself into his memory as words echoed in his mind.

_"The Grovel Hog? Well, it's a German folk tale I believe. It's about a poor farmer and his wife who could not have children. She tried every single tonic, every sill remedy to have a baby and she prayed each night to have a child no matter how ugly or strange."_

He slowly blinked, his legs stopping in the light pace he was walking in. Tonight he was more after the fresh air than to hunt for someone to vent his frustrations on. During practice he found Leonardo staring at him with a quizative look. It was confusing. He tried to talk to him about it but the turtle simply took up the coat that was given to him, and slipped on gloves leaving the lair with a wave of his hand. Usually he would talk to Mikey about the odd behavior of their elder brother but the bonehead baby brother had called home saying he was caught up in something that he couldn't pull away from at the moment. He agreed to go through one on one training with Splinter soon as he got home, but it still left Raphael vacant. His usual routine in life was changing and it was starting to bother him.

_"She gave birth to a strange baby that was half hedge hog and half human. She named him Hans, she loved him very much but his father was ashamed of his ghoulish looks; the children of the village calling him Grovel Hog as he grew. When the boy came of age he was chased out of the house at night being told to eat with the other beasts. His mother wept and when it became cold his father searched for him, a hole in his heart for what he had done to his own son."_

It wasn't like it was a bad change. It was nice to see Leo get out of the lair and start to loosen up a bit, to have him have a friend.

He kicked at a stray pebble absently kicking up dust and grime from years of weathering on the building's roof. Who was he kidding? He followed Leo and spied on him. When he saw Leo laugh, actually laugh, it hurt. There was a pain that curled up in his heart, sobbing as it tightened each and every time the leader left to see the woman with eyes that could see everything and tell nothing.

_"Hans was found and he told his father he would leave because he knew he was ugly and he knew he was a monster and deserved no love. All he asked was a few animals from the farm and he left leaving a tiny crack in his mother's heart that grew and grew until it broke and she died."_

Looking back at the moon Raphael sighed heavily. Was she right? Was he a Grovel Hog?

_"Several years later a king was lost in the woods and came across a large castle where a bitter sweet melody floated from. He went to the door to ask for help home and possibly for some food for he had starved for several days. It was the Grovel Hog who answered and welcomed the king to his table. The king ate the juiciest fruits and the greenest greens and said he would give anything in return for such kindness. Hans said he would have the first thing to meet the king when he returned home and in a years time he would come to collect. He took the king home where the princess met the king happy to see her father after so many days. A year later the Grovel Hog came, and wed the princess. The wedding was more of a funeral from the weeping and silence. That night, Hans played his bagpipes sitting by the fire as the princess quivered waiting for her husband to come and claim her. She fell asleep only to feel the softest of touches on her shoulder and stroke of her hair. He never came to the bed, he only shed his skin revealing a man as she woke from sweet slumber. He left the room and tended to the animals in the stables and returned to his skin in the morning were he found that his wife had gone and fallen asleep on the bed of quills softer than feathers. He told her that he was born with a curse and could only be cured if she remained quiet and told no one. She promised only to have it wiggled out of her by her mother who told her that a mid-wife in the village below knew of these 'creatures'. The queen instructed the princess to burn the skin when it was shed. Afraid for her husband she did as she was told only to have burned the skin from the fire onto Hans' back. He quickly left, she tried to follow but was thrown to the side by the pained Grovel Hog who's heart throbbed deeper than his burnt pelt. For several days the princess thought and thought until she went and requested for a pair of iron shoes to be made. When they were given to her she walked and walked until the iron shoes wore out, she had a second pair made, and when those wore out she had a third pair made. One day she found a pond where she gazed down finding her hair white from stress, eyes saddened from the grief of her mistake to her husband. By chance she found an old farm house where the Grovel Hog was. He told her to leave, to leave him be with the pain she had scored into his heart. But she would not listen. With tears in her eyes she held onto him as he struggled. While he shouted and tried to pull free from his wife she told him how sorry she was, how she came to find him and tell him of her love for him no matter what he looked like. For her, she had a husband who had the softest of touches and the sweetest of music and largest of hearts that was guarded by his fearsome frown. As they struggled his burnt on pelt fell from him taking the beast and leaving the human with the softest of touches and sweetest of melodies and largest of hearts. Together they went back to the castle where her mother and father were and another wedding took place, this time a gleeful one... hm... you know that does kind of suit you Raph."_

_"How?"_

_"I don't mean any harm by it but... you're not exactly what you seem. You act all tough but I've seen you're softer side, some times it almost seems like you've got a skin of quills as well."_

A skin of quills, how ridiculous. He didn't hide away, he didn't have anything to cover up or guard. He- he turned from the moon catching the sight of Leonardo sitting on the edge of the roof across the way. Legs kicking as he chuckled, Michelangelo sitting next to him pointing up at the sky. The tightness in his chest stung. So... this time he wasn't going to see Kally but meet up with Mikey? Well it wasn't like Leo had a relationship with the brunette, she even said it herself; Leo wasn't her type. But Mikey, it made sense, everyone loved Mikey. It would be easy to take that step past innocent brotherhood to- Raphael turned, he didn't want to think about it. If this was what they wanted then he would accept it.

A flash of light a few rooftops away. A gust of window carried the faint scent of something... he wasn't sure what, but it made the back of his throat tighten. Well, it wasn't like he really wanted to just stay and watch his brothers get it on during their secret meeting. The distraction -for him- was welcomed.

Picking up his feet, he headed over, a few silhouettes disappearing from sight the closer he got. A leap and he was one rooftop closer, the scent was stronger now. His stomach twisted, pace picking up into a run as a strange lump was coming into view. White, softly rippled in the wind, flicking up like a beckoning hand. Taking another leap he continued to hurry, one more and his heels ground into the gravel pulling him to a stop. His mouth was dry, voice trying to push out of his constricting throat. The strong scent in the air hurt his nostrils as he knelt down, his voice finally bellowing out the names of his brothers, he had just seen, as loudly as he possibly could.

Laying upon the roof, arranged in a white nightgown, arms peacefully to sides, brown hair arranged above her head- was Kally. Her body still, red seeping from her back, painted above and around her shoulders like wings- her body arranged in such a way to give her an angelic look; as if she was in the middle of the decent to earth.

Reaching forward, he pulled back- surprised when the woman moved, coughing thickly; fresh air rushing into lungs. Raphael rolled her over, hands finding two thick cuts over her shoulder blades, he pressed down trying to stop the liquid that seeped up over his fingers as he called his brothers once more, this time more desperate as he could feel the heart beat of the one under his hands.

To Be Continued...


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Are you alright?" Leonardo leaned against the back of the couch where Raphael sat looking at his hands. They had just gotten home. He could still hear the desperate call of his little brother. He could still feel the wet feeling as his heels slipped on the smeared wings painted on the rooftop. Forest green pressed over emerald as he helped apply more pressure barking orders to Michelangelo to call an ambulance. He breathed a curse that their Shell Cells were not normal cell phones when the youngest quickly disappeared. They waited with her, holding her blood in as much as possible before the scream of sirens and the flash of lights came. They hurried away, Michelangelo lingering until he could hear the foot falls of the medics coming. The three followed the racing vehicle, they waited outside the hospital, hidden away until she was taken out of surgery and placed into a room of her own for recovery.

To be honest, he wanted to slip into that room, shake her awake so she could tell him that everything was alright. Tell him that it was okay because she knew the attackers or saw their faces and then he could go out and make them pay. But he stayed by Raphael's side, the brother who had gloves of crimson that needed to be washed away. He felt a twist in his heart when he reached for his brother only to have him back away; all he wanted to do was help.

Eventually they came home, Mikey moving sluggishly over to Donatello's room, closing the door behind him- a sign that he wished to be consoled in the privacy of his favorite turtle. Raphael only sat down on the couch, and it had been nearly an hour since. A worry was forming; pulling and tugging like a nagging child.

"Raph," he reached forward. He didn't know why, but it hurt to see him like that- shut off from the world and lost in thoughts that should never had plagued him in the first place. Why did it hurt? "Raph, you need to wash your hands…" he took in his brother's appearance fully. Raphael had speckles on his thighs, smudges on his knees toes and shins. He waited a few more minutes before placing his out stretched hand on Raphael's shoulder. Leo flinched at the twitch that he got. Why was he acting like this? What was wrong?

Finally speaking up, the younger of the two got up to his feet. Hand rubbing at his arm as he refused eye contact, "I'm fine Leo."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

Forest green fingers took a hold of his wrist stopping the unconscious movements that was flaking dried blood onto skin. It didn't seem right, that dark color on emerald skin; knowing the fact that it was Kally's… it made him feel uncomfortable and he didn't even know why.

With out thinking he moved his hand, fingers wrapping around thumb, pulling hand away from arm so that he could hold it. He shook his head. He didn't know why his chest wanted to heave, why his chin wanted to quiver. It didn't make sense. None of this did. She was a friend, that's all, not even close enough to be called a sister like April. He let out a long sigh, calming his nerves. Gathering himself together he looked his brother in the eyes and offered a smile, "You need a shower."

A pull and a tug, he got Raphael to finally move, hands clasped together as they headed for the bathroom. Turning on the faucet he tested the water knowing that his brother preferred to take long warm showers. Raphael was taking off his gear when suddenly he asked, "Why would someone be sorry about wantin' to live?"

"Huh?"

"On the roof, when you guys were comin' over. Kally… she-she said she was sorry but she wanted to live."

Leonardo's brow knitted together. She was- sorry for living? Why would she be? Some times he felt sorry for living because he had caused his family pain for not being cautious enough, for not being the leader he had to be. What did she have? To be honest he didn't really know. As far as his conversations got with her was days events and playful banter. He didn't really know much about her, she didn't know much about him. He had always thought that it was a safe relationship to be at arm's length and perfectly okay with it. But now he was finding himself wanting to learn more, wanting to come closer so he could know he wasn't alone in his cage.

He blinked a few times banishing those thoughts from his head at the moment. He's been thinking a lot more ever since he met the brunette and he was a little afraid. The distraction was taking away from his leadership abilities, his senses were dulling. What if… what if he screwed up some how and someone ended up like Kally? Attacked and left to die alone. What if it was…

The blue loving turtle jerked when a hand came to his face, surprise and shock written on his expression as Raphael left his hand there on his cheek.

"You okay?" that deep voice was light in tone yet heavy in worry.

Leo blinked several more times trying to soak up the fact that he was being touched on the face in a positive way. He was so used to being smacked or punched, this was completely knew. A caress, it was… but he… and there…

"I'm fine," he lied. "Clean up and go to bed. We can ask her your questions tomorrow."

Pulling away he hurried out of the room, not after taking a glance over his shoulder finding Raphael watching him. He felt his cheeks burn as he hustled past room after room to the kitchen where he busied himself with last minute chores trying to calm his fluttering heart. Something about that touch, something about the way he looked at him when he was leaving…

He couldn't calm down, not after cleaning the kitchen, not after cleaning the front room nor the dojo. Not even after he told everything to Master Splinter who insisted that he met this woman so that he could determine if she was good enough company for his sons. Eventually he went to his room and tried to meditated, but ended up falling over asleep more exhausted from rampaging emotions and terrorizing thoughts.

----------

When Raphael got out of the shower he didn't know what time it was. He was bothered by what he had heard Leo's friend say, he was thrown for a loop when Leo let him touch him like that. He was confused why the fearless leader looked over his shoulder with such a bashful expression, how his cheeks colored as he scampered off. He didn't get it. He had been dwelling on those thoughts until the water went cold forcing him out.

Walking past Donnie's room, he was rubbing a towel over his dried skin trying to warm himself up from the blast of cold he got, when he heard voices inside. Shouldn't those two be asleep?

"Mikey, for the last time it isn't your fault," Donatello's voice was starting to get frustrated. "Just because she threw out her back while trying to lift heavy oxygen tanks up the stairs to deliver to an old tenant while you were there doesn't mean it was your fault."

Threw out her back? He saw it? No wonder he called home and said he couldn't come right away for training. The big hearted lunk most likely wanted to make sure she was comfortable before leaving.

"But Donnie, if- if I had just gone and insisted that she let me carry both tanks then she would have been able to run, been able to do-"

"Do what Mikey? From what you told me this was pre-meditated. It sounds to me that someone wanted to make an example out of her. And if I'm right then these perpetrators would have had a back up plan. Even if she managed to run, they probably would have had someone in position to snatch her up."

"But when Leo came over I wanted to talk to him and so we left, if I didn't then-"

"Then they would have waited until you LEFT! Come on, why are you blaming yourself so much?"

Raphael continued on his way. He heard enough to know that Mikey would most likely spend the night in one of his brothers' rooms. He was upset because the nit-wit had to much heart for his own good.

Passing by Leo's room he found the door open the flicker of meditation candles dancing shadows across the walls. He would have continued to his room if it wasn't for the sight of legs on the floor that were not in normal meditation position. Pushing open the door he softly called out, "Leo?"

The aforementioned turtle shifted in his sleep, curling up from a sudden draft that tickled past Raphael's ankles. The larger of the two didn't question why Leo had fallen asleep while meditating. He didn't bother waking his brother as he gathered up the more slender one in his arms. He took the leader to his bed, placing him down softly in a nest of blankets. Funny enough, the blue clad ninja always was immaculate in everything but his bed. The messy sheets and crumpled blankets seemed completely out of place in the other wise spick and span room.

Raphael went to straighten out after struggling with some covers to get over his brother only to have arms wrap around his neck pulling him back down nearly knocking him off balance.

"Leo," he tried to pry the grip off. "Leo, bro. You need to let me go."

There was a protesting whine as warm breath nuzzled into chest seeking warmth.

"Don't make me call Mikey to get ya off," he pulled again.

"Call Mikey for what?" the familiar voice of the youngest was suddenly behind him causing him to jump a little.

"He won't let go," Raphael grumbled trying to force his way out once more.

Orange frowned in concentration when looking at Leo before patting his emerald sibling on the shoulder, "Looks like he's having a nightmare. Maybe you should-"

"No, you should. You've got the interest in him."

"Interest?"

"Up on the rooftops today," he made a noise in the back of his throat as he tried once more to fee himself to no avail. "What the shell is up with this grip of his?"

"On the roof… oh! Oh man, nice way to confuse brotherly love dude," Mikey moved, leaving the room. "Just for that you get to sleep there."

"Hey! Mike! Get back-" he sighed and slumped down when the door shut with a click. Raph thumped his forehead down in frustration against the crown of his brother's head. He was stuck until Mr. Clingy let go. He could wait it out, it wasn't like it was going to be all night.

He fell asleep before he could be proven right.

To Be Continued…


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Kally wasn't at the hospital, and she wasn't at home. There was a note though, asking Leo to water the plants while she was gone. She mentioned something about having to stay at her mothers until the stitches could be removed. She wrote that it was perfectly okay for him to use the apartment all he wanted, there was even a joke about throwing a wild party in hopes that someone will throw the tv out the window, trash the walls and break a water pipe so that the landlord would be forced to fix the place up. Leo wasn't laughing. He had wanted to ask if what Raphael had said was true- that she was sorry for wanting to continue breathing. There was no reason to doubt his brother but...

He closed his eyes sinking down into a seat at Kalley's small dinning room table. He was confused. How was he supposed to go and face Raphael now? After waking up snuggling close, drowning in that scent of sweet musk like aspen trees. He had his thigh pressed between his brother's legs, even though he was sleeping he had pressed his lips against neck, his arms clinging onto the one that was slumbering soundly with him. The candles in his room had died out only seconds after he found himself admiring each and every curve of the turtle he was so desperately holding onto. He caught himself leaning in, breath mingling as his mind melted away in favor for the body's attraction. Leo had kissed him, sure it was just a small innocent kiss, but it was on the lips, and auburn eyes had fluttered open from the contact. He had made up some sort of excuse, he couldn't remember what it was, probably something absolutely ridiculous. He had panicked, he had fled, and here he was alone with nothing to help him sort out his thoughts but an empty apartment devoid of a friend. Life really was unfair. It throws you a curve ball while the umpire of existence simultaneously steals your bat. Like someone could play fairly that way. Lord he felt sarcastic at the moment- it was probably coming hand in hand with the self loathing from not being able to control himself.

He didn't know what was wrong with him. He was feeling things he couldn't identify, he was doing things he was regretting, he was... He gave a heavy sigh while wadding up Kally's note in his hand and tossing at the wall. He was molesting his brother in his sleep. Wonderful, absolutely wonderful. Maybe he would just stay here for the next few days and figure out what the hell it was he was doing. Maybe being away from the family he could get his head clear of all the cobwebs that he seemed to be swimming around in.

And stay he did. He refused to call, to let them know with his own voice that everything was fine. If he heard any of them then he would break his resolve, go back and apologize. He might even continue to develop deeper feelings towards his hot-headed brother that he knew he should not. So he asked April to tell them for him. She agreed, though she was confused as to why. When she asked all he did was smile and said he needed some time to clear his head.

Day after day he sat at the table, morning after morning he had the same tea -poured into the same cup. He never turned on the radio, never flicked on the tv, he only sat and thought. He thought and thought until he was sure he thought a hole and a half in the ground. And soon enough a whole week went by, then two. It was bordering three when he finally realized that no matter what he did, no matter how many ways he looked at what he had done, he wanted to do it again. He wanted to wake up next to a warm body, he wanted to be able to roll over and play kisses on that strong mouth. It was getting so bad that he was having dreams of going home and crawling under blankets warmed by Raphael's body. It was getting so difficult for him. There were so many emotions that was running through his head that even though he had all this time to himself he wasn't getting any clear answers.

That was when the sound of wood sliding caught his ears. Looking over, he got to his feet, ready in a stance to pull out a sword if need be. Perhaps it was one of Kally's attackers, coming back waiting for the police to calm down about the incident before coming back to finish the job? Maybe it was- He swallowed hard, the sound seeming loud in his ears as he watched Raphael pull himself in. He couldn't move when those fiery dark eyes focused on him with a glare.

"You've got a lot of explanin' to do Leo," was all he said.

The leader felt his heart flutter from the scrutinizing gaze. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't look him in the eye. Leonardo, simply put, felt naked; vulnerable. He rubbed at his arms turning around trying to find his voice.

"What do you mean?"

Was that sad excuse of a croak his voice? Why was he so nervous?

"Huh," the sound came out like a sarcastic laugh. "So... you tellin' me, that me wakin' up to you takin' advantage of me while I was asleep is not important enough to remember. You comin' here, and hiding away so I can't get the chance to talk to ya about that is okay. It's okay because you don't owe me an explanation. Because it's okay because you did it and its okay because you can get any turtle you want. Is that it?"

"What?!" Leo spun around flabbergasted, "No! Raph, that's not it."

"Then what is it Leo?"

"I-" How was he supposed to word this? How was he supposed to just go and tell him everything while still retaining what little respect he has with the turtle that was standing there with arms folded? Simple, he couldn't. "I..." He closed his mouth. Was he scared? Yes, he could identify that feeling. He had it before a few times when it came to dire situations, but this fear was different. What was he scared of? Was he scared that Raph would laugh at him? Did he believe that it was a high possibility that his brother would just call him crazy? What if Raphael was just disgusted and wanted nothing to do with him after he told him the truth? To many questions with no answers; answers he could get but was afraid of receiving.

"Leo," his brother grunted out, shoulders sagging as a deep breath was exhaled in a sound of frustration. "I won't get angry. I just... want to know why you did it, is all."

"I..." his throat felt unusually dry. He tried clearing his throat to get the cotton like feeling out, it was a little better but still remained. He fidgeted, fingers playing with each other as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. The sound of the grandfather clock ticked away the seconds that felt like years. While one waited patiently the other wanted to just make a break for it. Run as fast as he could so he would not have to face any of this. But it was right here, he had to, there was no where to hide, no where to run, there was only here where it felt too hot and the air too thick. "I don't know why I did it..." he finally admitted in a soft voice.

"You... don't know why..." Raphael looked skeptical.

"I just woke up and... and I was holding onto you so tightly and... and I couldn't help myself, I just..."

There was that smothering silence once more, the kind that felt like it could snuff out a life. It lasted for a while until it was broke by the deep voice of the taller of the two, "So, if you were sharing a bed with -say- Donnie, then you would have done the same thing?"

"No, I mean, maybe. I mean- I..." Leo sighed, slumping heavily into the chair he was standing next to. The dam he had built around his emotions was already cracked, might as well just break it down all the way, "I don't know. Honestly, I don't think I would. I mean, Don's great and all, but he smells like motor oil and burnt wires most the time, and Mikey is like a walking carnival food vender. But you, you smell... nice and some times it gets into my head that you smell a little too nice and I find myself moving closer to you with out realizing it. I know I pick fights with you and try to apply the rules to you more because I don't like seeing you get hurt. Of course I don't like seeing Don or Mike hurt but you- I've got this thing where I just get angry and I can't think right and I just want to shout and yell and hurt something. And the things you say hurt more, the things you do tick me off more, and when you give in and finally just calm down enough to give me some positive attention I practically wallow in it and it's dirty I know, you can laugh, go ahead, and if you think I'm sick then just leave."

He gave a deep sigh, face sinking into hands. There, it was all out in the open. He wasn't as much of a controlled leader as everyone thought he was. He was just as confused as anyone else when it came to life and having not been able to say even the simplest things was making his head hurt. Admitting these things though, that was different, it felt as if several years have been shaved off of his life. He felt old and tired.

"Why would I laugh?"

Huh?

"You know... you kind of ran yourself into a few circles there, but I got the gist. You ain't sick, you're limited. I've seen you check out women on tv before, you ain't gay. And I can kind of see how you think it's dirty but you gotta think with a wider view, or whatever," Raphael hand unfolded one hand holding it out as he talked showing that he was loosening up and that he had not taken offense to anything spoken unto him. "It's natural, we're teenagers, we're turtles, and what's worse is that we're the only four of our kind. Of course you'll start to fantasize about one of your brothers. It's bound to happen sooner or later."

"You're... starting to sound like Donnie," he mumbled through his hands.

"Well one of us should at least try to listen to him when he's givin' those lectures. Your not crazy Leo, and you ain't sick, it's just the way things are."

Tawny eyes lifted from palms, daring a look-see. It almost felt like Raphael wasn't there at all, like it was Donatello talking to him using Raphael's voice. He was being calm and understanding, and even -dare he say it- logical.

"So... what do I do?"

"Why are you askin' me?"

"You seem to have all the answers now. Don't tell me that you have suddenly run dry."

The emerald turtle scratched the side of his head. He never did pay attention long enough to find out what to do when something like this would happen. Donnie might have said something along the lines of "just let it run its course" or "act normal". Acting normal he could do, but just letting it run its course?

"Um... well... I guess, what do you feel like doin'?"

"You don't want to know that."

"Leo, just tell me."

The forest-green turtle licked his dry lips, gaze darting to the side, "An other kiss."

To Be Continued...


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

How did it come to this? How did he allow him to slip into that darkened part of his soul and indulge in selfishness?

Here he was, tongue mingling, hands roaming; taking. Raphael let him, he didn't push him away, yet he showed little enthusiasm in his participation. For him, he was helping Leo get something unwanted out of the system, for Leo it was infuriating but he wouldn't complain. He couldn't, he was piratically raping his brother who would open up and wait for it all to get over with. It hurt; there was a stinging in his heart that felt like a burning coal. With every touch, every movement of lips it only worsened. It hurt so badly.

Tears slid down his cheeks as he squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to do this, he didn't want to rob Raphael of that passion that attracted him to the emerald turtle, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't pull away, his body was doing things that he couldn't control.

What felt like an eternity, he finally pulled his mouth away from that flavor that was purely addicting. His body pressed tighter against the brick-like structure of green and yellow flesh, he held on so tightly that his arms hurt as he silently cried.

"I'm sorry," he whispered when arms came around him, touching him in reassuring ways. "I'm so sorry."

Raphael didn't say anything, just held fast and allowed Leonardo to silently sob out his anguish. Stripped of his training, stripped of his perfect mask; there was nothing left, only a teenager that was over whelmed by things that frightened him. It was a side that the younger had wondered if it had even existed, but now upon witnessing this hidden part of his brother he didn't like it. He wanted the training back, the "Mr. Perfect" mask repaired and in place. But for that to happen Leo needed to deal with some things, he needed to sort things out in his head.

To be honest the feelings that Leonardo were expressing towards him was not even near the top of the list of what to worry about. In fact he saw it coming even before the leader did, it happened when someone had a little insight. What Donatello had taught him, it was just inevitable. These emotions would eventually wade away and if not, well... he'd deal with that then, right now he was more worried about the onslaught of feelings that Leonardo was experiencing. If the forest green turtle could not cope with it properly then there would be a break down and break downs were dangerous.

He didn't want that potential break down and what it entailed. Maybe that was why he was getting butterflies in his stomach as he let his control break.

He wanted Leo to get back to the blue clad turtle he grew up with, who he had fights with. Maybe that was why he pulled away in favor for caressing tear streaked cheeks.

He wished that everything would smooth out, that the leader of four brothers would come home. Maybe that was the reason why he sealed his lips over his brothers.

Raphael knew what it was like to have a heart hurt and ache for someone. He had already done it himself with one brother, one that understood and cooperated. He was able to express so much from just a few kisses, from lying in bed with each other and enjoy soft touches to the arms, neck and face while he whispered his confusion of what was wrong with him. And to be honest a part of his heart still urned for the touch, for the kisses, and he knew if he went back he would be welcomed. But he had to be the strong one. He had to be able to do the same, to kiss, hold and listen. It would be difficult since he was used to being the one in need of comfort, but he would do his best.

The red clad turtle was rather pleased with himself when the tightness in Leo's well muscled arms began to relax.

He pulled back, breath mingling together as he whispered over swollen lips, "Don't, don't be sorry. It's okay."

"No, it's not. I-"

"Leo," his touches were so soft with his calloused fingers and palm. "It's okay, I understand what you're goin' through."

Blue fabric waved when the older of the two shook his head, "You can't... unless..." The sudden knowledge of Raphael being with someone else; it stung so deep. He tried to pull away but the arms around him wouldn't give him the chance. He wanted to ask who; why choose that turtle over him? But he couldn't find the strength to ask, not while he was being held so tenderly by those powerful arms.

"Then..." He couldn't look up to Raphael's face, instead he settled for playing with the scars that littered the rim of his taller brother's plastron. He traced each one with the edge of his thumb. He hated this, hated the way he was thinking, hated the fact that the idea of his brothers with each other was so frustrating. He loathed the fact that despite knowing he wasn't the first choice even though his pounding heart was hoping he was at least the second. "You don't..." What were the right words? "feel for me, like that."

Leonardo didn't know it but that was a very difficult question for him to answer. He loved both Mikey and Donnie, and they were not to be out done by Leo. To be honest, if he could, he would scoop up all three of them and simply proclaim them to be his. He wanted all of them, so when he had to choose who to go to first it tore a small wound in his heart. He could tell though, Leo and the other one was not like him. They didn't believe in having more than one at a time, maybe even never at all. One person to give to, one person to take from. That thought made Raphael fell rather empty.

Not good with words he paused for a reply, searching his mind as he mindlessly stroked shell. He might as well just confess, knowing Leo if anything was held back he would become upset from it.

"It's not that simple."

"What do you mean?" He cursed himself for sounding so weak, almost like a pouting child.

A hand moved from his shell to under his chin, forcing him to look up. Tawny and auburn mixing together as they locked gazes. "I mean," his breath was so warm, so inviting. "that I do care for you Leo. Very deeply, but..."

He could see it, the expressions in Raphael's eyes. For some reason that hurt started to fade, he didn't understand why -he was only grateful for the relief it brought. He felt a pull at the corner of his lips when his brother told him the rest, "It's just that I care for all of you like this; Mikey, Donnie, and you."

"Do they know?"

The gaze broke, emerald turtle turning his head to the side with a murmured, "No."

Something was starting to become warm in his heart, he would try to identify it at a later date. Right then all he could do was smile, turn Raph's face back to him and kiss him once more. This time it didn't hurt. He wanted to say that he understood, that it was perfectly fine that Raphael loved more than just him. He would cope with it because knowing that his brother had not told anyone else that small bit of information made him feel... special.

Yes, that's what he was feeling right then.

Special.

To Be Continued...


	10. Chapter 10

Noose

Chapter 10

He was crying at the table. His head tucked between his elbows, his hands clutched together as the tears pooled on the wood. Throat constricting trying to keep each and every sob trapped in his body as the news filtered in from the front room television. The article repeating itself;

_"Charles Barber was arrested today for the murder of James Nathan Smith, Samantha Ranchesit, and his own sister Katherin Barber. The method of which was to take a seriated blade, such as a steak knife, and cut into the back in two sepearte places and let his victims bleed to death. Police found a collection of poloriod pictures of each victim in his home... This just in, there is now a fourth victim. Kally Savage, who was moved to the New York State hospital only two weeks ago. Kally Savage was a renowned Historian who taught at the local community college... a memorial service is scheduled for nex-"_

Raphael let the remote fall from his hands. His chest hurt. He didn't know Kally all that well, she had been a good person though. She was willing to laugh and listen, she gave good advice and made him feel welcome for the few hours he had spoke with her. And if he felt this bad then... Auburn eyes looked to Leonardo who's shoulders shook, in his clutched palms was the note that was left for him when he had come to the apartment two weeks ago.

"Leo?" the younger reached out, coming short when a sob ripping from the grieving turtle.

"I-It's all my fault, Raph."

Emerald green lips frowned, "What?"

"I-" he sucked in a sharp sip of air, a sob shaking his body as fresh hot tears streaked down his cheeks. He was alone in his cage now. Kally was gone, his best friend taken away because he found the false security of sympathy. Now he would never know what made her just like him, he wouldn't know what she could teach him. He would never hear her voice again, he would never exchange soft banter or share calm smiles. She was gone.

"I- should have looked into the attack. I-I should have looked for her and not think everything was okay because of some stupid note. I should have been there for her!!"

"And how the hell does that make her death your fault?!" Raph's palms slammed against the wood of the table, shaking the sugar bowl that sat upon the surface. This was ridiculous!

The sound of the chair scraping across the floor was empty as Leo shot up to his feet, hands fisted and pressed against the table, head bowed as he refused to look his brother in the eyes, "Because if I looked into it then she wouldn't be dead!!"

"How do you know? Huh?! Just how the shell do you know that?! Leo, look at yourself. Do you really think Kally would have wanted you to go around and blame yourself for her death?"

"Don't you talk about her like you knew her!!" Leo's eyes were red, voice tight from crying.

"I knew her well enough!" Raph felt like his heart was being torn out, "Seriously, Leo... Don't do this."

"Don't do what?" He turned and stormed off into Kally's room, shutting the door with a slam. He was angry, depressed, grief stricken, deprived of a friend. He didn't know what to think, but he knew that he shouldn't be taking it out on Raph, he was only trying to help after all. He grabbed a pillow off of the bed, hugged it to his chest and sat down. If he just spent some time alone, if he could just think, maybe -just maybe- it wouldn't hurt so much.

He was wrong, everything he touched, everything he looked at and smelled. It was hers, all hers. As his tawny gaze grazed over every nick-nack, every trinket and object lifeless as she was now. No breath, no sight, no warmth.

Leo dropped the pillow and rubbed at his arm trying to get his blood to warm once more.

"_God you're a silly thing."_

"No I'm not," he was trembling.

_"Generally when someone screams in pain the person nursing them stops!"_

"But you're not here to make it stop," he covered his face with his hands.

"…_at least give me enough time to know you…"_

He shook his head, hand coming out grabbing the desk lamp from the end table and throwing it across the room. It broke against the wall, the pieces littering the floor.

-------------------------------

Raphael placed his hand on the door, feeling the wooden grain under his palm as he looked at the seems of the frame as if they held a clue for him to reach his brother. His throat tightened when he heard Leo silent cries coming from the other side. He rested his forehead against the door, squeezing his eyes shut trying to push out the pain in his own heart. The pain wasn't for Kally, and that alone made his stomach knot, but it was for Leo. Leo was taking this hard, he was having a break down, and from the sounds of breakable things being thrown around from inside he was doing a damn good job of venting. If he opened the door... could he get Leo to stop? Could he get him back to being the boy who was only afraid of the world? If he stayed here, could Leo become strong once more after getting all of this out?

Tears burned at his eyes, trailing down his beak and dripping to the floor, "Leo..."

"You weren't supposed to leave me!" he could hear his brother's voice scream as something heavy hit the side of the wall causing Raph to screw his eyes shut.

"You were supposed to stay!" Something thick broke, something wooden. "Stay and help me..."

An emerald chin clenched as something else broke against the wall. "Kally..." he took a deep breath, both hands pressed against the door. "Don't leave him like this... not broken like this..."

And he, Raphael himself, found his lips whispering a prayer when before in all of his life he had never prayed before.

To Be Continued…


	11. Chapter 11

Noose

Chapter 11

When he woke up it was to a shout of; "What the hell?" His legs got tangled in the mess of covers as he fell off of the bed, and down to the messy floor of broken objects and littered knick-knacks.

"Skinny, I told you no wild parties. And please tell me the Grovel Hog is not slumped out there drunk on the other side of this wall," Kally tapped her knuckles on the wall next to the door frame she stood at.

"Kally! Is- is that really you?!" Leo managed to untangle himself and stand up. Now that he was standing he didn't know what to do, should he move forward or stay there?

The brunette gave a heavy sigh, bending down she grabbed a turned over chair and a small round end table. She sat down; her hand came to her eyes as she rubbed at them as she heaved another heavy sigh. She was careful of her contacts. "Leonardo, take a seat."

He nodded, taking a seat at the foot of the bed, across from her. He folded his hands on his lap, his heart feeling like an open wound as his brain registered that this must be a dream. She was dead, she couldn't be here and talking to him. This was his own mind trying to work things out. If he fought it, then he could end up hurting himself, or worse, forgetting. Forgetting his friend, forgetting everything he had learned when she was with him. The pain in his chest he could do without, that was the only thing he wished he could forget.

"Fearnot..." she leaned forward, her elbows on her knees; "I left you a note sweetie."

"But it was a lie..."

"A lie? But I am staying with my mother until this is all done and over with."

"You can't be if you're dead."

This was ridiculous; he was talking to his own delusions. But when he looked up from his hands to her face, he could see her mask, broken and shattered. It felt like she was really there, not the fake persona that he had grown to know as his friend. This was what Kally really was, or so he had hoped. She was a girl who tried her best, who tried to hard, and received nothing in return. In her life she was mocked and jaded, in her death was when people started to change their minds and say she was brilliant and well versed. Her eyes were a beautiful hazel, her hair the brownest of browns, skin so pure not a freckle. Her smile was the best though it eased the pain in his heart.

"Leonardo," she got up slowly, moving over to him. She sat down beside him, a warm arm wrapping around his shoulder, her hand coming to his. Soft hair rested against his neck and shoulder as her cheek pressed against his. Kally stayed there with him, for what seemed like forever, from the window being open and the blankets being kicked around in his fitful sleep she woke him from -his skin was cold and drank the warmth provided. He finally gave in, leaning back and letting a few tears trickle down his cheeks.

He knew this wasn't real, he knew she wasn't really there holding him and offering comfort. He would give nearly anything for it to be true, for her to be alive and yelling at him for messing up her place in that moment where his halo of perfection became his own noose.

"You're a good kid," she squeezed his shoulders. She moved, getting up and pushed him back onto the bed. He's eyes blinked a few times as she moved him up. She rounded the bed, and picked up a pillow from the floor, fluffed it up and slipped it under his head. With a few pulls she got up some blankets and flicked it into the air, letting it pool around him before tucking it in. Bending over she whispered, "I'll be calling you to see how you are doing, Skinny." A feather light kiss, to the forehead. One more on his cheek and, as he drifted offher hands petted leathery skin -she promised once more to give him a call.

Then, everything was dark...

When Raphael woke up it was to the sound of the phone ringing in the kitchen. He grunted getting up from the spot next to the door he had fallen asleep at. His body protested at the stiffness he had from the sleeping in the same position of being curled up for hours on end listening to Leo in the other room. His throat was scratchy from giving small prayers until he finally found a fitful slumber for the night. He was reaching out for the phone when Leonardo blurred past him, his finger slamming on the speakerphone button.

"Kally!"

"Uh, not; this is Mikey," came the voice on the other side.

Blue's heart dropped into his stomach, "Oh, uh... 'sup?"

"Love you too bro. Both your Shell Cells were off and we were getting worried, especially after the news." Mikey paused; "Um... how you doin' bro?"

"I'm, uh;" How was he supposed to tell his baby brother that he just had a break down?

"He's doin' fine, Mike," Raph leaned against the kitchen counter, arms folded. "We'll be comin' home in a few minutes."

It was silent for a bit before the youngest spoke up once more, "If you need something... anything, just ask, okay?"

"Thanks Mikey."

An odd sadness pooled in the leader's stomach as he hung up the phone.

"It'll be okay Leo."

He looked up to only see Raph's back to him, if he could see his brother face on then he would see that he was just as sad, just for a different reason.

"If there's somethin' you want to take with you, go ahead. I don't think Kally would have minded." Raph gave a half hearted chuckle, "Maybe some of her over sized tomboy clothes."

Leo smiled bitterly as he turned and went back into the room he had tore up. He found a backpack, military issue, that Kally and always loved. He picked it up and found the one thing he didn't break, a picture frame with her and a few friends that she had not heard from for a few years. He put it into the backpack. Looking around, he found a story book of folklore that she got all of her stories from. He froze realizing it was on the round coffee table he knew he had thrown over. Next to it was the chair that she sat in... Then...

He twisted around, eyes wide, the pillow in place, covers on the bed when previously they had been on the floor. Then last night... He clutched the book to his chest.

The phone broken apart and on the floor of the bedroom;

...began to ring.

To Be Continued...


	12. Chapter 12

Noose

Last Chapter

Raphael pulled Leonardo close, both curled up on the soft sheets that was on Leo's bed, the warmth of the covers mingling their combined body heat. Blue purred softly in his throat as he slipped his leg to tangle with the one who was sharing the bed with him. He enjoyed the feel of those strong arms around him as he was simply held. Honestly, his brain did not register anything sexual when they were like that. In fact his mind had nothing to think about, it was blank as he allowed himself the emotion that Raphael had taught him through this tenderness; joy.

It had been three months now after Kally's death, every once in a while he would think back to her. Her picture mounted on his wall. Yes he missed the snide comments and the subtle lessons that she gave to him through just a name. She was right, he was like Fearnot. He had tried to leave home to learn something but all he wanted to learn was right there at home. And Raph really was like the Grovel Hog, sweet and kind with only a prickly appearance. He wouldn't have thought about any of that if not for her, and if he had the chance he would say 'thank you', but as it stood he would only wake up in the morning and give her picture a small bow before heading out for the day.

It wasn't always like that. When he was first brought home Donatello and Mikey had been close by; giving him comforting hugs and telling him how sorry they were. Splinter said that it was alright to cry when a dear one died but Leo only shook his head and would retreat to his room where Raphael would find him and just hold him until he fell asleep. A few times he woke up in the night to the sound of the phone ringing. He never did pick it up, a subtle fear inside of him of what may happen if he ever did.

Eventually he got better and one day he found himself openly admitting to Donatello that he didn't understand emotions and how to identify them. He wasn't rejected for this odd flaw, in fact it only made him the center of attention for the purple banded turtle. So many questions were given, few answers received, but soon Mikey over heard and was overjoyed with the prospect of having the opportunity of giving lessons on emotions. With a little help from Raph and Don, Leo started to learn. He was pleased that he could begin to feel, that he could cut them off during battle and not let them distract him like he had always feared.

And now, he found himself more at peace. It was getting more difficult to become angry with Raph when the emerald turtle started to cause a ruckus, he was less annoyed when Michelangelo decided he needed an extra dose of attention. Unfortunately he worried more when Donatello buried himself in his work but that was natural, or so he was told.

An arm flopped over him as Donatello snuggled closer to Leonardo's shell. He grinned against Raphael's neck as the other tried not to snicker when Mikey snuggled closer to Raph on the other side at the same time.

"Think we should ask Donnie to fix the heaters in the morning?" Leo asked in a whisper.

It was in the middle of January and the only reason why Splinter wasn't sharing body heat with the four turtles was because his space heater still worked.

Raph placed a kiss to Leonardo's brow before snuggling back against the youngest who in turn nuzzled in for more warmth. Emerald lips were turned up in a smile, "I don't know about you, but I kind of like not havin' to roll over all the time to defrost the side that's pointed away from a little heater."

"Pfft, you're just an attention hog."

"Say that when you're not holdin' hands with Donnie, and I might believe you."

"I never said I don't like attention." Leo grunted a little while wiggling down into the covers.

"Wha'cha doin'?"

"Just gonna get something to drink, my throat's really dry," came the muffled reply in the bulge of moving blankets.

Blue popped out at the foot of the bed leaving a gap that slumbering Donatello did not enjoy. Olive hands groped around before finding Raph and scooted close effectively making a Raph sandwich. Leo opened his mouth to make a comment but a growl cut him short, so he just hurried out of the room.

Rubbing his hands together, he quickly hurried across the chilled floor to the kitchen where he was glad to find the water still running. Twice had the pipes frozen on them already, it made it really difficult to get a decent glass of water. In the middle of quenching his thirst he heard the phone ring.

He paused, the ring was odd; fading in and out like the phone was moving all on its own.

That subtle fear twisted in his belly as he slowly put down his glass. Pushing the pads of his fingers together he flexed his fingers, a reflex showing he was uncomfortable. He didn't know what to think. What kind of pros and cons where there towards picking up the receiver?

His muscles tensed when Klunk suddenly gave a meow, rubbing his little body up against Leo's ankles. He let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. Okay... Klunk wasn't scared so why should he be? Right? That was... almost logical right? Okay.

Timidly, almost child like, he padded out of the kitchen. Coming up to the phone, he flexed his fingers together a few more times as it continued to ring. Looking around, it would seem as if no one else was hearing it. Raph didn't like the sound of the phone and would yell for someone to get it if he wasn't with in reach. Donnie and Mikey would be complaining about being woken up so rudely but there were no sounds, only the ring.

So... maybe this really was a delusion or he was just being haunted by his best friend. Either way he could live with it.

Picking up the phone he pressed the receiver to his ear. The look on his face softened as his heart swelled.

He nodded and listened, eyes fond.

"Sorry to have worried you," he whispered as if telling a secret. "No... no... yeah... promise? ... okay... bye."

He hesitated for a moment before hanging up. He smiled, taking his hand away from the phone, fingers lingering just for a moment.

With all intentions of going back to bed he turned and went to Splinter's room, softly knocking before entering knowing full well the sound would have stirred his master. He knelt down at the door way, giving a respectful bow to the rat who was sitting up; rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

"Leonardo?" his father questioned finding being woken up by his most prized student to be unusual behavior.

"Forgive the intrusion Master Splinter, but I have just received a message from a friend."

"A message? From who?"

"Master Yoshi."

End.


End file.
